A Harder Obedience

I was reluctant to share this part of my story because I thought it would be hard for some people to understand. Heck, it was hard for me to understand and obey what I felt God was leading me to do.

It wouldn’t be the first time He’s led me to do this, though. I have found myself in sort of a cycle concerning this. He tells me to do it, I do it and then I get stuck. I haven’t, until now, been able to complete the whole cycle - to go through the whole process and allow God to do what was needed. He needed to show and teach me some things to prepare me for purpose.

But, in the past, the process always seemed to get hung up.

So, I would find myself back at the beginning, starting the cycle all over again! And getting frustrated and stressed because going through the cycle is not fun or easy. It’s scary and uncomfortable. Which is the reason I wouldn’t complete it. I would always run to safety.

This time, though, I stuck it out. I had to. Actually, I’m sticking it out. I’m not fully out of it, yet. Though, I am in a much better place. I’m excited to see where God takes me from here!

So, what was the crazy difficult thing that God led me to do?

He led me to quit my job.

Without any warning, backups, or prospects.  I was just told to quit.

Actually, quitting was the easy part!

I had been led to quit three times before. God would tell me to quit, I would get confirmation, I would do it, then I would find it difficult to move on to the next part. I always seemed to avoid it somehow. Like I said, I would run to safety. That is, until now.

The first time I quit my job, I was living in this little apartment in my hometown. I shared with you guys before how things started falling apart for me once I moved back to Florida. It wasn’t until recently that I understood that the difficulties were for a purpose and that God was starting me on a path to growth. If I had understood this back then and had been more obedient, maybe I could have completed the cycle a long time ago. Who knows?!

Of course, not having a job meant not being able to pay bills. I went without water, then lights, then I was without a home. I remember that the landlord was very nice and patient. When he had gotten to the point where he couldn’t wait any longer, he told me that he didn’t want to evict me and asked me to just leave. I refused and told him that I wasn’t about to voluntarily put myself out on the street!

In hindsight, I think that’s exactly what I was supposed to do.

Instead, I ended up getting evicted and asked my friend to help me move out. He had an extra bedroom in this little trailer he owned and, since I had nowhere else to go, we made a deal that I would deep clean the trailer as my payment for rent.

I did the best I could…

I didn’t stay there for long. I ended up going out of town and then moving to Jacksonville at the invitation of friends. Both the visit and the move ended up being mistakes. But, I didn’t understand why until much later.

The second time I felt led to quit my job, I actually understood what I had to do, and I boldly walked into it. That time, just like this time, my plight was difficult to do and to understand. I remember trying to help a friend understand that it was something that I had to do. It was scary! It was crazy! But, I just knew that, for some reason, I had to do it.

I shared with you all back in 2015 my adventures living on the streets. They would be short lived as, late one night, a friend got a bad feeling and called me up asking where I was. Though my gut was telling me not to tell her, I, to be honest, was COMPLETELY over living on the streets and was beyond relieved to have heard from her.

My friend sent her daughter to pick me up and when we arrived at her house, she had a hot meal waiting for me. The meal was so delicious, and they were so sweet! They made feel so comfortable and at home. I’m so thankful for them!

Though I am eternally grateful to my friend for helping me out of my homeless situation, I'm not sure that was God's will. What I didn’t realize, then, was that when I accepted my friend’s invitation, I broke the cycle. Now, I would have to start all over again!

The third time I quit my job, I was still good, financially, because I had some money saved and was a full-time student receiving financial aid. I opted to accept the refund checks and was comfortably living off of them for a while. Then, for reasons still unknown, one of my refund checks was delayed and I received it 2 weeks after it was supposed to arrive. Needless to say, I couldn’t pay my rent and had to leave my apartment. I was at the end of my lease, so there was no eviction, but I wasn’t able to renew the lease for another year.

In desperation, I called my aunt and cousin to see if they could lend me some money until my check finally came. They, unfortunately, were unable to help me. But, my aunt invited me to move in with her. I was so relieved and thankful! Because God knows I didn’t want to have to go back out onto the streets!

Basically, every time I was at a certain stage in the cycle, there was someone there to save me. They saved me from homelessness and ensured that I didn’t have to endure that part of the cycle until the end.

But, I would have to, eventually.

I believe that God moved me to Virginia because He knew that I wouldn't be able to experience what He wanted me to experience if I stayed amongst friends and family – amongst the familiar. There was something He wanted me to see. Something He wanted me to do. And I couldn't do those things sleeping comfortably in somebody's guest room.  

So, once I moved to Virginia, with nobody with me but God, who was going to save me then?