Move Out Day

November 10, 2015 was move out day. My roommate decided that she did not want to renew the lease to our apartment and I couldn’t find anyone to replace her, so I was forced to leave the comfort of the place I had called my home.

My relationship with my roommate had deteriorated over the course of our one year lease. I’m not exactly sure why. I tried to talk to her about it a couple of times, but she wouldn’t allow herself to REALLY speak her mind. She would say that her changes had nothing to do with me, but she would give me the cold shoulder as if it did. Life in our apartment was tense - for me, anyways, because I was always so concerned about why she started acting so differently towards me. I assume her changes were the reasons she chose not renew our lease and continue to save money for another year.

Then again, I quit my job back in April or May and hadn’t been able to find another job. I had also stopped receiving any additional income, and the little money I had saved was quickly dwindling. By the time move out day arrived, I didn’t have the money needed to renew our lease. Heck, I didn’t have any money at all!

So, it looks like my roommate made the right decision. She went on to lease a new apartment on her own. I, on the other hand, had no idea where I was going to go.

On the days leading up to move out day, when people found out that I was moving out of my apartment, they would ask where I was heading next. That was a difficult question to answer and I would try to blow it off and tell them I would let them know, making it seem like no big deal.

For some of my family and friends, reading this blog will be their first time hearing about my circumstances. Leading up to, and even in the midst of this situation, I’ve had to make some difficult decisions that some people just wouldn’t understand. They would criticize me and not allow themselves to understand my position. Others would likely worry themselves to death and try to convince me to do things that would make THEM feel better. So, I decided to keep my business to myself.

The people with whom I shared some of my decisions had a hard time understanding them and would undoubtedly resist those decisions that I haven’t shared. If I had made the easier, more reasonable decisions, I might not be in the position of need right now. The thing is, I believe that I am right where God wants me to be.

Before we officially moved out of our apartment, my roommate offered that I stay with her in her new apartment for a couple of weeks. At first, I didn’t understand that. It seemed to me that she was eager to get away from me and be on her own. Now, here she was making me an offer to stay with her. It baffled me. But God reminded me that He uses whom He wants to use to do His will.

Around the beginning of our roommate-ship, my roommate told me that she felt that she was blessed because she was in my presence. I was touched by this comment and was reminded of it when God led me to accept her offer. My acceptance gives me a roof over my head for a couple of weeks and puts her in the position to be blessed (Matthew 25:34-40). When she first spoke those words about a year ago, I had no idea how prophetic they would be.

Come With Me

I have read blogs and books, listened to testimonies and watched podcasts where people share their back stories once they’ve gained success. They tell about where they’ve come from, what they’ve been through, and how they’ve overcome. I applaud those people. In fact, I love reading those stories. They are extremely encouraging and motivational and make me feel like I can succeed, too.

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be something. I wanted to be an entrepreneur. I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to be a professional singer. I wanted to be a teacher. I’ve had many dreams and, to this day, I haven’t accomplished any of them. I think I’ve disappointed myself more than I have been disappointed by anyone else.

I have worked many jobs, though. I’ve worked administrative jobs, telemarketing and sales jobs. I’ve worked in fast food restaurants and retail stores. I’ve worked jobs that I liked (for a while) and jobs that I hated. I’ve gone through a revolving door of jobs and none of them had me begging for more.

In fact, besides the four years I spent enlisted in the Marine Corps, I can’t remember working on anyone’s job for more than two years.

I would start every job with excitement. I enjoyed learning my new responsibilities and getting to know my new co-workers. But, soon the kinks would start to show and my joy would turn into misery. I would complain about everything I felt was wrong to try and justify why I felt so unhappy. I would even complain about having to go in to work! I would complain if my managers weren’t giving me enough hours, and then, when I was given more, I would complain that I had too many! So, I would end up leaving that job, only to find something wrong with the next.

Recently, I quit my job at what used to be my favorite shoe store, after a year and a half of employment. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to land another job and, as a result, my situation has become dire.

I realize now that my circumstances are a result of the mistakes I’ve made. I had become ungrateful when things didn’t happen the way I thought they should. My ungratefulness lead to unhappiness, which led to an extremely bad attitude.

In light of this revelation, I’ve decided to make some changes within myself and commit to doing things differently. Not for the opportunity to land and keep somebody’s job for more than a year and a half. Not to work my hind parts off making someone else’s dreams come true. I feel this change is necessary to start making my own dreams a reality.

I’ve been sitting on so many dreams and ideas for so long. There had always been something stopping me from pursuing them; something (or someone) telling me that I wasn’t good enough. The sad part is… I believed them. Not anymore.

Instead of thinking that I can’t do it, I choose to believe that I can. Instead of allowing my circumstances to tell me that now is not the right time, I’m MAKING now the right time. Instead of letting people (and even myself) convince me that I’m not good enough, that my dreams are too big for me, that I’ll never make it, I’m digging my heels in, changing the way I see myself, and taking the first step toward my dreams. And with every subsequent step, I plan to prove, to all of us, that I can!

So, though most people decide to wait until they have made it to tell their back stories, I don’t want to wait. I’ve wasted way too much time already, so I’m going to tell my back story now! I’m going to tell where I’ve been – and where I’m going. I’m going to tell what I’ve been through – and what I’m coming out of. And I want to share my journey with you.

My name is Erika Henderson, and I am on a journey of self -improvement and empowerment. This adventure will be full of discovery, servitude, faith, and fulfillment. During this journey, I will be transparent and honest. I will share my failures as well as my successes. I will share all of the revelations and the lessons I learn along the way. I will share scriptures and experiences, words of wisdom and quotes from visionaries before me. As I empower myself, I want to empower you!

Come with me on my journey to success.