Move In Day

On August 20, 2016, I moved into my new apartment. For months I had lived as homeless, sleeping from place to place. I yearned and prayed for a place of my own.

November 10, 2015 was the day I moved out of my last apartment because my lease had ended. I didn't have the money to renew the lease, and I had no place to go. I trashed, sold, gave away, or stored all of my belongings and prepared to live wherever I could.

I started my homeless adventure by sleeping on the couches of my ex-roommate and then a friend. When time ran out at those places, I moved to the shopping cart that I called home for the next couple of weeks.

Around mid December 2015, I was offered a spot sleeping on the floor of my friend's spare room. I soon set up an air mattress and stayed there for about 2 months.

From February to August last year, I lived in a hotel. It was expensive, but cozy and close to work. Then, about 3 weeks before I moved into my new apartment, I moved out of the hotel and slept on my cousin's couch in order to save money for the move in fees.

My cousin was a tremendous help with moving into my apartment. She had lived in the complex for several months and thought that I could benefit from the cheap rent and utilities. In fact, my cousin helped me throughout the entire moving process.

After she helped me to find the apartment, she submitted my application and initial fees and helped me move out of the hotel. And, on move in day, my cousin helped me move my belongings that were crowding her dining room, into my own.

My cousin was and always is very helpful, not only to me but to whomever needs assistance. Shout out to my amazing cousin Amelia! I love you!!

So now, I have been blessed with my own place. Honestly, it's not the type of neighborhood that I would usually choose to live in. It's not the type of apartment that I would usually choose for myself. It is nice and quite livable, though. It is cozy and has great potential.

I've been in the apartment for about six months, now. I don't have any furniture and I am sleeping on an air mattress. I'm eating off of paper plates, drinking out of plastic cups and using plastic silverware.

I decided to live this way, for now, in an attempt to save money and start an emergency fund. I'm thankful and content with how I live and what I have. I am just enjoying having a place of my own.

This is not it for me, though. I will only live this way temporarily while I work to achieve my dreams. I don't mind sacrificing my comfort to pursue my purpose. And I'm well on my way.

I Haven't Given Up!

I haven't posted to this blog in many months. I apologize. I've been living. I've been working. But, I haven't been sharing.

Life has been an interesting set of events as of late. I've had some hard times and I've celebrated some victories. I've experienced some confusion and I have had some breakthroughs. Overall, I can say that my time away has been interesting... but blessed.

I recently moved into my own apartment. I'm blessed to finally have a place to call my own. I will share more about it in an upcoming post.

As for my job, I have been busy working for someone else, making sure others have what they need. Recent circumstances have made me see that I cannot focus more on someone else's needs and dreams than on my own. I am thankful for my job, but I realze that it is only going to get me so far and give me so much.

I have dreams that are bigger than my job, bigger than me! I have to invest in myself and work harder FOR MYSELF to reach my dreams. I believe that my dreams will take me so much farther than any 9-5.

So... I want you all to know that I haven't given up! I haven't stopped. I havent quit. I apologize that I haven't shared with you as often as I promised I would. That's about to change.

In the coming weeks, I will catch you up on all recent events and share some of my plans for the future. I will also be launching a new blog, soon, where I will be sharing my life's experiences and lessons. So, keep an eye out....

I ask for your prayers and encouragement as I pray for and enourage you. Though my life is blessed, it has not been easy. But then, easy wouldn't push me to my destiny.

A Temporary Home

After I got my new job, I was excited at the thought of getting back on my feet and moving into my own apartment. I was staying with a friend when I was hired and had quite a commute to get back and forth to work.

 

I had to leave the apartment by 5 am, walk 40 minutes to the bus stop, take 2 busses and travel 2.5 hours every morning, not to mention the commute back every night. I would return to my friends' apartment around 7:45pm. I would rush to shower, eat and be in bed by 8:30 pm preparing to wake up at 4am and be out the door by 5am the next day.

 

The commute was very time consuming and didn't allow time for any extra corricular activities. I no longer had time for exercise or meditation, for ministry or to spend time with my family and/or friends. All I had time for was commuting and working. I'm not complaining, I'm very thankful I got the new job. I'm just saying....

 

After about a month of the treacherous commute, I was finally able to move a little closer to work. I didn't exactly move into an apartment, though. Instead, I was led to move into a hotel.

 

The move to the hotel cut down my commute by 2 hours. There is a bus stop near the front of the hotel and the bus picks up every morning at around 7:10am. The bus stop near my work is about a block away from my building and I am usually off the bus by 7:25am and at my desk by about 7:30am, unless I stop at the neighborhood deli for breakfast.

 

The move to the hotel has allowed me more time to rest and do other things like write, read, participate in ministry and spend more time with God.

 

The hotel is one of those extended-stay types and the room comes equipped with a mini kitchen, a bathroom and a bed. There is a television, a small closet area and a table perfect for eating and writing.

 

I dare not call the hotel home. It is cramped with my belongings and there's so little storage space that I have bags and boxes stacked in corners and hidden under the bed. I'm living out of suitcases and gym bags and all of my clothes are wrinkled beyond recognition. The hotel is expensive, cramped, and the walls are thin. The kitchen is small, it doesnt have an oven, and the toilet runs.

 

As I complain about everything the hotel is not, I can't help but notice every thing that it is. It's dry and safe. I have a place to get out of the rain and lay my head at night. It's cool, comfortable, and useful. I sleep well at night and I'm able to cook healthy and delicious meals for myself.

 

And as far as it being expensive... well, I recall just a few months ago when I didn't have the money to buy anything at all. I'm thankful. Staying in the hotel may not be home, but it was what I needed, when I needed it. Now, I'm prepared to move forward into my new place. A place to call my own.

Excuses, excuses...

I had an entire post prepared explaining why I had not submitted to the blog in a while. The post was all about how I couldn't afford to purchase Internet because I was staying in a hotel and how I was struggling to get a post out.

 

When I started writing this blog, I promised that as I shared my back story with you, I would be honest and transparent. Instead, I found myself making excuses for my absence. Though the excuses were based on actual events, they are just that... excuses.

 

If I were to be truly transparent, I would admit that I had gotten a bit lazy. I got a new job and didn't want to do anything except eat, watch tv, and go to sleep when I got home. I would yell at self every day because another day had passed and I hadn't completed any writings or submitted any blog posts.

 

Yes, paying for internet on a weekly basis was expensive, but there were other options. I could have gone to the library after work or I could have hung out at any number of fast food restaurants and coffee houses to take advantage of their free WiFi. The truth is, I would refuse to do anything other than go back to the hotel after work. No other option would do.

 

I had gotten to the point that even though there were things I knew I needed to do, I didn't want to do them. I had gotten comfortable - the one thing I didn't want to allow myself to do.

 

I had moved out of my friend's apartment and started basking in my privacy. I was so excited to be in a place that I could call my own, even if for just a little while. I knew I would get a little relaxed now that I wasn't living in someone else's home. I didn't mean to get TOO comfortable, though.

 

I did not intend to get into a mindset where the important things didn't matter. I didn't intend to put my life on the back burner. I didn't intend to put my dreams on hold. Now, I find myself playing catch up.

 

I began to experience that feeling that life was passing me by - that I wasn't truly living. But I brought this deficiency upon myself. These feelings were self inflicted. I realized that I don't ever have to feel as if I'm falling behind or as if I'm missing something, because I am equipped with everything I need to live life on my own terms.

 

So, no more excuses. I've been comfortable long enough. It's time to get up and out of my comfort zone and get back to work. It's time for discipline and sacrifice. Is there any other way to success?

Working on purpose

After being unemployed for the better part of a year, I was blessed with a new job. It's the job I wanted. I prayed for this job.

 

I had doubts that I would get the job, at first, because I went through some struggles during the application process. I had to reschedule my interview because of some unforeseen circumstances, then the company's administrator said that they were having problems verifying my references, and then they requested documentation that I didn't have in my possession and had a bit of a hard time retrieving.

 

The process was long and vigorous and I wondered on a couple occasions if they had pushed my application aside. I had to push those negative thoughts out of my mind and I kept my sights on the position, believing it was mine.

 

In the mean time, I had started another job, all the while praying that the job I wanted would be mine. I was mega excited when I checked my voice mail on my lunch break and heard the message that my application packet had been approved. I resigned from my place holder job without hesitation and began my new one a few days later.

 

The new position is with the state of Florida and is very demanding. I have to deal with difficult people and situations on a daily basis and there are times when impatience and frustration take over, making the situation quite stressful.

 

I recently became impatient with someone I was working with because the person was unable grasp a concept and kept asking me the same question over and over again. In my frustration, I snapped at the person. With all the patience and understanding I should have shown, the person asked me not to get upset and explained that they just didn't understand. I immediately felt bad that I had reacted that way and knew that I had to reevaluate myself.

 

I try to treat people the way I want to be treated and asked myself if I would I want someone to get impatient with me when I didn't understand? The answer is no! I would be grateful if they were patient enough to take the time to help me understand. I realized that I had to take a deep breath and commit myself to being kind and courteous at all times, no matter what.

 

I believe this is the reason I've been blessed with my job. I believe that I am there to learn the importance of showing patience, empathy and understanding with everyone and in every situation. I believe that God is preparing me to use these qualities for whatever purpose He is leading me towards. That purpose will require me to be able to separate myself from my feelings and practice self control.

 

God is preparing me for a time when my reaction to a particular situation will determine the course of its outcome. He's making me stronger. He's making me wiser and preparing me to put these virtues to use.

 

I thank God for my challenging new position because He is using it to equip me with everything I need to do what He is leading me to do. I'm working on my purpose.

Happiness

Lately, I've found myself pondering what makes people happy. I heard someone say that his happiness is directly related to his accomplishments, blessings he's received, and the wonderful friends and family he has. But, what if he hadn't accomplished anything? What if his blessings were on hold and family and friends had left him feeling abandoned and alone? Could he still feel happiness?

Can people who base their happiness on other people and material things still be happy in times of hardship, loss and uncertainty? In the past, my answer would have been no, because I've been there. When I didn't have any money, I was miserable, worrying about why I was broke and where I was going to get the money needed to pay my bills. I worried about why some people had more than I did when I was working so hard to get what they had.

I based my happiness on material things: money, belongings, and friendships, but soon came to realize that those things come and go. They are not definite or certain. Money is spent, friends move on, belongings waste away.

I've found that the only thing that is certain and lasting is God and my relationship with Him. Through poverty and wealth, good times and bad, God keeps me strengthened and encouraged. He has gotten me past material happiness to experience something more.

God revealed to me during meditation some time ago that I have not because I ask not. He reminded me that I don't have to worry about the things that others have because all I have to do is ask and it's mine. He's given me peace in the midst of trial and lack. I may not have much money or many belongings, but I'm rich in the Lord, and that makes me happy.

The bible says in Philippians 4:6-8 that I should be anxious about nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let my requests be made known to God and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard my heart and my mind through Christ Jesus. This comforts me and makes it easier for me to not complain and worry about what I don't have.
 
I recall laying in my comfortable bed in my warm apartment and still worrying about how I was going to pay my next bill or get my next meal. What I've found is that with God, even with no money and no possessions, I can be happy and worry free. I've realized that faith in and dependence on God is the only way to true happiness. Being grateful for what you have and praising Him even in the midst of trial and lack can bring you to a place of complete calm and peace.

I've been more at peace sleeping in a shopping cart than I felt sleeping between soft sheets and under a warm comforter. God is the only true comforter. He will ease all of your pains and bring you happiness when you're broke, when you've lost a loved one, and even when you're homeless and sleeping on the streets.

Though I am thankful for my new job, a roof over my head, and warmth on cold winter nights, I now know that I don't need those things to be thankful and happy. With God, I have more than happiness. I have joy!

It Could Have Been Me

Before I had any thoughts of homelessness, I received an income that, for the most part, allowed me to pay my bills. I worked a part time job and received what was left of financial aid as I worked on my MBA. I lived fairly comfortably in a decent apartment with a roommate and no worries worth mentioning.

I had just come out of a compromising situation and was trying to regain my footing when God told me to begin to renew my mind. He told me to start listening to motivational messages and reading books about success and how to become successful. So, every morning, as soon as I woke, I prayed, read the bible, listened to motivational speeches, meditated, and read at least 30 minutes of a success related book.

When I was no longer working or going to school and money became an issue, I continued to pray and read and meditate because doing these things kept me feeling motivated and strengthened. When I had nowhere to go and had to live on the street, I concentrated on keeping my focus on God and I did everything He told me to do.

One night, as I was resting in the shopping cart I called my bed, God reminded me of an event that happened years ago, but in that moment, changed my life.

Approximately 15 years ago, some friends and I visited Hollywood, CA and took in all of the city's sights and monuments. One day, as we were walking down Hollywood Blvd, a young girl was standing on a street corner, swinging on a light pole and smiling seductively at all of the people walking by. She was a prostitute.

The girl was young, maybe between 16 and 20, and attractive. She didnt bother to speak, she just carressed the light pole she swung on and smiled sweetly at the people passing by. As we walked past her, she looked intently at me and smiled. I met her gaze and with disgust on my face and in my voice, I said, "Get a job!" Everyone in my group, as well as some strangers close by, laughed and voiced their agreement. We walked on, leaving her there on that corner, swinging on that light pole, probably feeling humiliated and rejected.

For over 15 years, I hadn't thought about that young lady or the events of that day, until God brought it back to me that night. As He reminded me of the cruel words I spoke to her, God scolded me saying, "That could have been you!"

That young lady may have felt that prostitution was her last resort. It may have been the only way she could eat or support her family. I'm sure she didn't want to be out there selling her body and living the life she had chosen, but my judgmental mind wouldn't allow me to consider her troubles. I only saw her sins.

God told me that if He hadn't renewed my mind before I had to move to the streets, I may have been forced to chose prostitution as well.

I cried and repented that night as I thought about that girl and wondered what happened to her. Is she still on the streets? Is she dead? Has she made it off of the streets and now living a better life?

Since the night God reminded me of her, I think about her and pray for her often. I praise God for ensuring my mind was strengthened and set on Him before my trials came. I thank Him for giving me peace in the midst of my trials and reminding me not to judge anyone because of their circumstances because I don't know their stories and what they've been through. I thank Him for teaching me compassion and for showing me that at any given moment, that could have been me.

I've had to struggle through tough times, endure hardships, and live through circumstance I never dreamed I would have to experience, but God spared me from the fait of the young woman in Hollywood. Instead, when He knew my time for trouble was coming, He transformed me by renewing my mind.

Scripture references: Romans 12:2, Matthew 7:1-3