On the Road Again

After staying with my ex-roommate for two weeks, a friend offered me the opportunity to stay with her for a week. I accepted and tried not to be too much of a burden, staying out of her way as much as I could. I spent the majority of the time in the living room, sitting on the couch where I slept. I used my own toiletries, including toilet paper, toothpaste and soap and I didnt eat too much of her food unless she offered (even though she told me that I could eat whatever I wanted). I would often sit in the dark as not to waste any unneccessary electricity and I watched very little tv, keeping my ear phones in, listening to gospel music and motivational speeches on my phone.

Things seemed to be going fine until I asked what I meant to be an innocent question.

She had been acting a little differently the night before and I felt a little uncomfortable that morning, so I decided to ask her if she was mad at me. That was a mistake. Though she said that she was not mad and we had moved on from the conversation, she came back later that night wanting to rehash it. She had taken the day and, in her own words, "over analyzed" the question I had asked her and applied it to all the help she had ever offered me and brought up situations that had happened weeks before. I tried to tell her that I was only referring to the events of that day and didn't understand why she was bringing up things that had nothing to do with what I had asked her.

As the conversation progressed, she expressed how she didn't understand my decisions, questioning my relationship with God and if I had heard Him correctly. She seemed to be upset because I wasn't worried and panicking about my situation. I found myself explaining my actions and decisions and trying to get her to see that they were decisions I needed to make, even if she didn't understand them. I reminded her that the bible says that I should be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, make my requests known to God (Philippians 4:6). In other words, don't worry about it, pray about it. How can I claim to be a woman of God and freak out when something doesn't go my way? If I say I trust God, shouldn't I trust Him, even when times are tough? She would not allow herself to understand that, and ended the conversation by telling me that she would prefer that I left her apartment before the weekend (and before the time she told me I could stay).

I slept there that night, took care of some business the next day, and was on the road again by evening. I still had my bus pass and rode the busses around for a few hours until God told me where to go. He guided me to a clearing that was hidden by a large wall, a couple trees, and lots of smaller bushes. The clearing was right out in the open, but it kept me well hidden.

The wall covered two sides of the area and bushes surrounded the other two sides. The two large trees provided a cover and multiple flood lights, situated around the perimeter, made it difficult to see inside. In the middle of the clearing sat a welcomed surprise... a shopping cart. When I saw it, I smiled, because I realized that God was providing a place for me to sleep, making sure I didn't have to sleep on the ground again.

Thinking that I could not fit inside of the shopping cart, I laid it on its side and spread my body across it. I was very uncomfortable, but I was thankful that I didn't have to sleep on the cold, wet ground. I ignored the discomfort and slept as best as I could.

Before I left my friend's apartment, I dressed quite warmly and packed extra clothes in case I needed more layers. I slept in a very soft, very warm pair of sweat pants, along with a second pair of socks, my fleece pullover, a large and cozy crocheted scarf, gloves and a beanie. And I used a small blanket to cover my head, keeping the wind out. Though it was chilly outside, I was nice and toasty!

Sleep was hard to come by that first night. I was scared I would be discovered and asked to move on. Though I was able to get a little sleep, I was jolted awake with every bush that rustled and every car I heard pass by in the distance.

I got up early enough the next morning to catch the earliest bus that came through the area. I rode around the city, taking in the bus' heat and enjoying some more sleep, until the downtown library opened. I spent the day in the library, writing and applying for jobs and trying my best to stay awake. Once the library closed, I got back on the bus for as long as I could, then I hung out at a 24 hour WalMart and charged my phone until it was late enough for no one to see me going into the clearing.

This time, I climbed into the shopping cart and was surprised that, even though I couldn't stretch out inside of it, I fit. It wasn't the most comfortable situation, but a lot more so than the night before. With my knees to my chest, my arms hugging my knees, and my backpack acting as cushion and insulation, I felt warmer and more comfortable than the night before. I rested my head on the handle end of the shopping cart, sank down into it, and relaxed.

How awesome God is! While riding the bus earlier that day, He urged me to try sitting inside the shopping cart. I argued that I didn't think I would be able to fit, but decided that since He hadn't steered me wrong thus far, I would try it. That was one of the best nights sleep I had since I had been homeless.Though it wasn't something I wanted to get used to, I looked forward to going to my cart to rest at night. There were a lot of people who did not have that.

The next morning was Sunday. Once again, I woke up early enough to catch the first bus of the morning and rode until it was time to go to church. I arrived a little early and washed up in the church's bathroom and took a little nap on the back pew before worship service started. Though I had slept better inside the shopping cart than on top of it the previous night, it wasnt a restful sleep, and two days and nights on the streets had exhausted me.

It was an emotional worship service for me and I worshipped like never before. I felt sadness and gratitude, happiness and frustration. All I knew is that I needed to praise God! Everything in me yearned to be close to Him and I couldn't help singing along with the music and proclaiming my victory.

The blessed part of the service was the sermon my pastor preached. It described the recent events of my life, including my willingness to make difficult decisions and follow God's instructions, whether they were what I wanted or not. Sure, my situation is difficult, but I belive that I am right where God wants me to be. He guides me constantly and gives me prophetic visions and dreams.

I gained more clarity about my situation, as well as what God expects of me from worship and the sermon on that Sunday. I sincerely hope others did, as well.

Come With Me

I have read blogs and books, listened to testimonies and watched podcasts where people share their back stories once they’ve gained success. They tell about where they’ve come from, what they’ve been through, and how they’ve overcome. I applaud those people. In fact, I love reading those stories. They are extremely encouraging and motivational and make me feel like I can succeed, too.

For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be something. I wanted to be an entrepreneur. I wanted to be a writer. I wanted to be a professional singer. I wanted to be a teacher. I’ve had many dreams and, to this day, I haven’t accomplished any of them. I think I’ve disappointed myself more than I have been disappointed by anyone else.

I have worked many jobs, though. I’ve worked administrative jobs, telemarketing and sales jobs. I’ve worked in fast food restaurants and retail stores. I’ve worked jobs that I liked (for a while) and jobs that I hated. I’ve gone through a revolving door of jobs and none of them had me begging for more.

In fact, besides the four years I spent enlisted in the Marine Corps, I can’t remember working on anyone’s job for more than two years.

I would start every job with excitement. I enjoyed learning my new responsibilities and getting to know my new co-workers. But, soon the kinks would start to show and my joy would turn into misery. I would complain about everything I felt was wrong to try and justify why I felt so unhappy. I would even complain about having to go in to work! I would complain if my managers weren’t giving me enough hours, and then, when I was given more, I would complain that I had too many! So, I would end up leaving that job, only to find something wrong with the next.

Recently, I quit my job at what used to be my favorite shoe store, after a year and a half of employment. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to land another job and, as a result, my situation has become dire.

I realize now that my circumstances are a result of the mistakes I’ve made. I had become ungrateful when things didn’t happen the way I thought they should. My ungratefulness lead to unhappiness, which led to an extremely bad attitude.

In light of this revelation, I’ve decided to make some changes within myself and commit to doing things differently. Not for the opportunity to land and keep somebody’s job for more than a year and a half. Not to work my hind parts off making someone else’s dreams come true. I feel this change is necessary to start making my own dreams a reality.

I’ve been sitting on so many dreams and ideas for so long. There had always been something stopping me from pursuing them; something (or someone) telling me that I wasn’t good enough. The sad part is… I believed them. Not anymore.

Instead of thinking that I can’t do it, I choose to believe that I can. Instead of allowing my circumstances to tell me that now is not the right time, I’m MAKING now the right time. Instead of letting people (and even myself) convince me that I’m not good enough, that my dreams are too big for me, that I’ll never make it, I’m digging my heels in, changing the way I see myself, and taking the first step toward my dreams. And with every subsequent step, I plan to prove, to all of us, that I can!

So, though most people decide to wait until they have made it to tell their back stories, I don’t want to wait. I’ve wasted way too much time already, so I’m going to tell my back story now! I’m going to tell where I’ve been – and where I’m going. I’m going to tell what I’ve been through – and what I’m coming out of. And I want to share my journey with you.

My name is Erika Henderson, and I am on a journey of self -improvement and empowerment. This adventure will be full of discovery, servitude, faith, and fulfillment. During this journey, I will be transparent and honest. I will share my failures as well as my successes. I will share all of the revelations and the lessons I learn along the way. I will share scriptures and experiences, words of wisdom and quotes from visionaries before me. As I empower myself, I want to empower you!

Come with me on my journey to success.